heartsneedabeat's Xanga

choices & such

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:30:59 GMT

So once again, it's been forever since I've logged on here. I was reading over a few of my earlier entries, and I'm debating doing back and deleting them all and just starting over. I'm in a much better place than I was when most of these entries were written, and a fresh start would be kinda nice. The simplest thing would be to just start over with a new xanga, but I'm sort of liking my current username. *shrug* I'll figure it out, and they'll most likely be gone soon.

In other news, the past couple months have been pretty amazing. I got a job at petsmart and actually still like it two months in. This semester is loaded with fail, but I'm kicking my ass to get what needs to be finished done. I guess we'll see how that works out in the next couple weeks or so.

About two weeks ago, I went to DC with a few friends for the Young Women's Leadership Conference, and it was absolutely amazing. Pictures are going up on my facebook soon, and I'll probably add a few here too. Just check back later.

This weekend some other friends and I are going to Chapel Hill, NC to the Unity Conference. I absolutely can NOT wait. The theme this year is Sweet T, with the tagline "Transgressing, transforming, transcending gender & sexuality in the South." I'm willing to bet it's going to be just as good, if not better, than DC's conference.

Honestly, I can't really think of anything else to type about. But I'm seriously going to try to update more this time around.

talk to me

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 05:00:20 GMT

Download Nimbuzz Mobile

"Don't Say Gay"

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:54:10 GMT

Stacey Campfield and Dewayne Bunch, members of the Tennessee representatives and senate, respectively, have introduced a bill banning public schools with grades K-8 from providing any instruction or materials related to any sexual orientation other than heterosexuality. The bills both state, and I quote, "(c)(1) The general assembly recognizes the sensitivity of certain subjects that are best explained and discussed in the home. ... (2) Notwithstanding any law to the contrary, no public elementary or middle school shall provide any instruction or materials discussing sexual orientation other than heterosexuality." Great. Good job guys. Let's make sure that kids who are growing up in homophobic families, and are being told that "all them faggots are ruinin' this here country. They're all gonna burn in hell, right where they should be" and the like will have no message of tolerance till at LEAST ninth grade, when most beliefs are already ingrained into them. Yep, way to make already homophobic schools into an even deeper hell for LGBT students. I guess I kind of feel about this the way I do about sex education in schools. If parents would actually talk to their children, and tell them the truth, I'd have no problem with it. The thing is, this is Tennessee. I don't know if you got the memo, but this is a VERY Republican state. Many parents who actually do talk to their kids about homosexuality are just going to tell them it's wrong, and to stay away from it. That is, if they talk to their kids about it at all. Homophobia is rampant in Tennessee public schools, especially the ones in the eastern part. Kids need to be taught that there are different types of families, and that it's okay. I'm not saying teach a bunch of ten-year-olds what two men or two women do in bed, but just that no matter who is in a relationship with who, they don't deserve to be treated differently. This bill was brought up by Campfield last year, but was quickly shot down. I'm afraid we might not be so lucky this time, with emotions still running high and guards still up over the election.
What can we do about it? If you live in Tennessee, contact your representative. Their job is pretty self explanatory. They're to *represent* the people in their district. Call and give them your opinion on why this bill should not pass. If we don't tell them, how will they know? I'm including the phone numbers and e-mails for both Stacey Campfield and Dewayne Bunch to make it easy for you to go straight to the source, and I'm linking the websites where you can fine the representatives and Tennessee senators for your area. If you don't know your district, each site has a place to enter your address and it will tell you who is over your area. Please call and tell them what you think. We can't let this bill pass.

Stacey Campfield:
(615) 741-2287
rep.stacey.campfield@capit

ol.tn.gov

Dewayne Bunch:
(615) 741-3730
sen.dewayne.bunch@capitol.tn.gov

Senate members:
http://www.legislature.state.tn.us/senate/members/

House members:
http://www.legislature.state.tn.us/house/members/

And just because I know a few people who will want to read more, here are some helpful links.
The summary of the bill:
http://wapp.capitol.tn.gov/apps/BillInfo/default.aspx?BillNumber=SB1250

Campfield's bill, in full (PDF):
http://www.capitol.tn.gov/Bills/106/Bill/HB0821.pdf

Bunch's bill, in ful (PDF)l:
http://www.capitol.tn.gov/Bills/106/Bill/SB1250.pdf

Article on last year's proposal:
http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/Feb/19/house-subcommittee-kills-campfield-bill-banning-ho/

I'm okay.

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:20:27 GMT

So as most of you know, when my ex and I broke up, it hit me pretty hard. Really hard, actually. I was still head over heels in love, and all that. I've been realizing lately though, that I'm okay. I loved him with everything in me, and I still do to an extent. But the thing is, it's over. We're still friends, and that's all I can ask for at this point. As cliche as it is, I loved and lost. But at the same time, I learned. And now for any future relationships, I'll never make those same mistakes again. Does it still hurt? Immensely. But I'm alright, and I'm only going to continue getting better.

So to Jacob, thank you. We had two amazing years. I had fun, but it's time to move on now. I wish you nothing but the best.

That's all.

LGBTQ, ILMNOP? Hell, apples and oranges, they're all fruits to me.

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 06:09:59 GMT

Listen to the MUSTN'Ts, child.
Listen to the DON'Ts.
Listen to the SHOULDN'Ts,
The IMPOSSIBLEs, the WON'Ts.
Listen to the NEVER HAVEs,
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child.
ANYTHING can be.
- Shel Silverstein

So yes, this is random, but I have a few different things to say. Oh well.

Last weekend (as in 8-ish days ago) Meghan and I watched Teeth, Idiocracy, and Do I Love You?
Teeth - Amazing. Idiocracy - I've seen it before, but still amazing. Do I Love You? - What the HELL did we rent?! That movie was awful. Bad acting, bad script, bad filming, and I'm not sure there was even a plotline at all. Yeah. But we had fun anyways. I love her to pieces. Then a few nights ago, we rented three Margaret Cho dvds with Alex, and spent two nights disturbing the other people in their dorms. Oooops. Last night we almost got kicked out of her dorm for laughing too hard at 3 in the morning. Oh well. Hahah
I've been really involved with my women's studies group, which is a good thing. My group is awesome. We're doing a perceptions of gender presentation, and from what we have planned so far, it's going to pretty much kick ass. Yeah.
I've learned a few things that people should NOT say when trying to get in a girl's pants. Examples include "I really want to hit it raw right now," "So can I just use your holes?" and "Fetishes? I like watching girls get fucked by animals." C'mon people. Just don't do it. >.<

I have learned

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 05:35:04 GMT

(note: I did not write this. Just reposted from here)

I have learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

what defines me

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 00:57:08 GMT

Hi, I'm Jenni. I'm 18 and a freshman at ETSU. I'm doing a double major in chemistry & biology, with hopes to eventually become a pharmacist. I like all things creative. Knitting, drawing, writing, crocheting, painting, anything, I'm there. I love to read, and one of my ideas of an amazing day is just being curled up on my couch, completely immersed in a book. I'm pretty good with computers, and I like messing around with them to make them better. I guess you could say I'm a nerd, but hey, it happens. I like to cook, and consider myself pretty good at it. I have lots of friends, and they make my life interesting, to say the least. I couldn't sing well if my life depended on it, but you know, I'm okay with that. I have four pets and love animals in general. I live to help people in every way I can. I hate seeing anyone hurt. Even if the person who's hurting isn't someone I particularly like, I still want to try to make it better for them. Before I die, I want to change the world in some way, even if it's small. I like bright colors a lot. I drive a bright blue VW Beetle. I got bored one Summer day a few years ago, and painted the walls of my room bright orange just because it seemed like a good idea at the time. My family, no matter how much they annoy me at times, means the world to me, and I really do love each and every one of them. I give second chances without question, and third, fourth, fifth and even sixth chances aren't hard to get from me. I trust easily, but sometimes too easily. I look for the beauty in everyone I meet, and everything I see. I try to always be there for my friends. I hold on to things I should let go because it hurts too much to move on, but I'm doing pretty well, I think. I laugh, cry, joke, talk, scream, bleed, and heal just like most everyone else.

I also happen to be a lesbian.

All of these things go into what defines me, but not one by itself makes the person I am.

So why is it that knowing I'm gay will completely shape someone's opinion of me, when there are millions more facets to my life? How can I get to know someone, and have them on the "decent friends" level, only to have them turn on me when they find out I have girlfriends rather than boyfriends? What is it about the fact that I happen to be attracted to people with the same anatomy as me that instantly makes me such a horrible person? I really don't understand how someone I would consider my friend, in a split second, can completely change their view on me. I know people who wouldn't even speak to me just because they heard I'm gay. Those people don't even know me, and have never spoken to me, but already have a strong dislike towards me because of who I am. It makes absolutely no sense.

I think this is why no one's making progress in many aspects of society. People let stereotypes define them, and don't get to know the person behind the label. I'm more than my attraction.

Sexuality does NOT define a person.

My issues with feminisim

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 06:15:16 GMT

I consider myself to be a feminist. Equal work for equal pay? I'm there. Equal rights for women to do the same as men? Count me in. Abortion rights? I'm a supporter. But I have a few serious issues with some of the things many feminists believe. They say that they want women to be able to do the same as men, and live life as they see fit. I agree. What I don't like, though, is how the same people who say that every female has the right to live how she wants, yet they look down on those who choose to be housewives, those who choose to have an unplanned baby rather than aborting, and those who choose to wear only skirts & dresses or head coverings. As long as the woman isn't forced into any of these things, I think it's beautiful. How can you say you support a woman's right to choose how to live, but say that those who have choices different from their own are wrong? Someone explain this to me, because I just don't get it.

Things I've learned in 2008

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 10:28:43 GMT

Yeah, so it's a week late. I wanted to do one anyway.

1. You're not that important. Don't act like it.
So you think you're hot shit? No. You may mean the world to someone, but let them show it, not you. You're not better than anyone else, and you don't deserve more than they do. And if you act like you are, you're only going to fuck up the best things you have. Don't neglect everything you need, but don't disregard what the people who love you need, either.

2. Relationships take work.
I don't care if you've been together for 263 years, never stop working for your relationships. You may think you don't have to do shit anymore, and that the other person will just deal with it, but really, they won't. They may for a while, but in the end they're going to do what you're driving them to and get the fuck out. And you'll never see it coming.

3. School actually IS important.
Not showing up to class and never turning anything in is not gonna let you keep any scholarships you might have. Seems like common sense, huh? Not so much.

4. Balance is good.
Focusing every single bit of your life on one person or thing is just going to end badly. Whether it's a significant other, your friends, your family, a job, school, whatever. You can't just live for the one thing, or you're not going to be able to keep everything you need. Don't focus everything on friends and completely ignore school or work. Don't give everything to your boyfriend or girlfriend and forget about your friends. Trust me, it's not going to work.

5. People, in general, are lying, backstabbing, assholic little bitches.
Yes, you. And yes, me too. And every other human being on this planet. Do I really need to elaborate more?

6. No matter how much you think your life depends on one person, it doesn't.
You're just so in love with that one person, and you'll absolutely die without them. No, you won't. Will you want to? Yes. But you won't. It'll hurt like hell, and you may or may not really ever get over it, but you'll still go on. Hey, it's better than the alternative.

I know I've learned a lot more in the past year, but these are the things that stand out right now. I may add more later.

This game is freaking HARD

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 09:33:47 GMT

Or maybe it's just me.

http://www.onemorelevel.com/games/avoider.html

What's your high time?